So fellas, here I sit with a glass held high in the air, cheering for this triumph to launch my very own blog after a 20 year deluge of self-doubt. Cheers!

This very well could be the worst idea I’ve ever had (though it’ll be hard to top the failed marriage), but on the upside, this could be the liberation of my soul. Most nights, I feel this gigantic need to say all of these things ranging from rants about the latest love, or my family, work, dreams, or any number of some insignificant thoughts with little sense to them. Nonetheless, though, that urge to scream the thoughts is loud and something tells me some of these thoughts are actually worth saying out loud. Perhaps hoping someone “out there” can relate, hear me. Perhaps, this living alone has just gotten to me enough that I am desperate to be heard. Perhaps though, this living alone and finally saying I will fight for my dreams, is the culprit of this dream materializing. 

Either way, I am here and I will make this count. For me. I will let my heart fill these pages, because there is soooo much to give and these electronic pages will be the recipient of all this love, care, and whatever that thing is called that is there that I can’t find the words to describe. It’s something like “life”?

We are at the start of a new year and after much looking, I have found what I’m leaving behind, the thing that I keep repeating in my head that I’m letting go of. ”I DON’T KNOW”. I can’t begin to tell you how much I’ve limited myself, how much self-doubt I churn up in between these lovely ears and let it spin me in circles until I am dizzy and directionless. Well, it leaves me either directionless or way too tired, or way to scared to then actually take any kind of action because I’ve thought about all the worst case scenarios enough that taking any kind of risk would just be plain DUMB and mamma didn’t raise no dumb girl (maybe just a scared, self-doubting one). hehe. Sorry mom, but it rings pretty true, at least for now.

So now on to what I am creating, therefore practicing repeating in my head over and over again until it becomes a reality for my sweet brain “I AM READY”. My word for 2024 is “THRIVE”. 

What I am leaving behind, coupled with my creations and the sanctity of serendipity are at the source of this blog being published today! I can still remember the days when I started to “blog” 20 years ago, but then got scared to hit the publish button and so then it became an “online journal”. While that served me in some aspects, it still left me with a nagging feeling that I was not sharing this with the world. And while I still haven’t resolved myself the WHY to share… I have learned to trust myself enough to know I don’t need to intellectually know the answer to a question, I can simply obey the higher wisdom that screams in my heart to just share this.

I don’t know if it will be of value to anyone, or if someone might find this and hate it, or if people can comment here and troll me online, or if I’ll say something really dumb, or if what I’m saying here someone else has already said (probably yeah), but I am confirming, validating, putting a stake in the ground to say WHAT I HAVE TO SAY MATTERS and I AM HERE TO SAY IT.

And I don’t mean any harm to anyone, so if this sparks anything in anyone, then so be it! Go give your heart that which it calls for! I think that is the biggest demonstration of what love is… to listen to our hearts and give it what it asks.

As a side note, I want to thank the book @Elizabeth Gilbert for her book Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear. I purchased it on Apple Books on October 7, 2023 and here I am publishing my very first blog post 88 days later. May the Creativity fairies continue to bless me and the world with this magic as I am eternally grateful you’ve come to touch me once again. My heart is full as I hit publish. Scared too, but full. Lol.